My rock 

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.” 
Love u Anita Tailor thank u for being my rock

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Where would you go?

If there is one place you could go in the world to get away from all the troubles and worries, where would you go? What would you do?

A desert island, the park, or go to your room and close the door on the world outside. I suppose when you think about it, it changes over time and each place is different for each and every one of us and I suppose how we deal with things say a lot about us too.

For me when I was younger I would just go to my room and listen to music that I had recorded on cassette tape. Yes you heard right cassette tape, we all did so don’t pretend that you didn’t. As I got older and I learnt to drive a car and got my licence and this soon became my safe place. Not only because all I wanted to was drive for as long as I can remember but I could literally take myself anywhere I wanted to go. Just me and the open road, have my favourite playlist playing on the cd player, nothing too heavy but quite easy on the mind, nothing that would give you a headache and quite soothing. This for me was time for me to reflect on everything that was going on at the time and just some me time, which let’s be honest we all need from time to time.

These days it my home, there’s no place like it. When I’ve had a tough day at work or just in general, all I want to do is be at home away from the world outside. It’s quite strange when I think about it because growing up all I ever wanted to was to go out and never be at home and now I actually enjoy being at home and would rather stay in than go out. Funny how that works out isn’t it.

As great and as much as we need some time and need to get away, we all have our ways of coping with everyday struggles no matter what they may be. But can I ask one thing? No matter who you are and what part of the world you come from and no matter what you’re going through please remember there is nothing better than just talking to someone, you don’t really need to say a lot. There is always someone that is kind enough and has the heart to listen and always willing to help.

You’re never on your own.

Letter to my younger self

Entering my mid 30’s now and having worked hard for years being able to rebuild my life again. Achieving what I wanted and where I want to be in life with the women of my dreams, I look back at a time which for me personally I had so many unanswered questions and a lot of mixed feelings and not knowing.

Dear younger self,

As I look back at you now there are so many things that I could tell you know and you would just look at me like some mad man. I wouldn’t blame you, I still do the same today from time to time. You are full of energy I know your not the most popular kid in school and I know you didn’t get off to a great start. You know what, don’t be afraid of being you embrace it, what you don’t know is that all your friends in school right now feel the same way just like you, they’re scared too but they won’t tell you that ( our little secret ). You do ok, though make it through and you become quite the star on the sports field.
Life at home is good, but deep inside I know you’re hurting and you feel something is missing and you don’t feel complete. Take it from me this is normal, You don’t know how to express it or how to put into words what you want to say. If there is one thing that I have learnt is to express yourself, the people you feel afraid to speak to are just like you, they hurt, feel pain and let me tell you they love you more than you know. I don’t think that the love ever changes but circumstances do, but don’t worry I’m here for you when you reach that part of your life I’ll guide you through.
Now you will notice that dad isn’t around much and I wish I could tell you that this is normal, in some ways it is but you are too young to understand is what people will tell you. As a result, you are quite a shy character, but that’s ok that’s what make you who you are. From time to time, you will hear its because your father figure wasn’t around but let me tell you that’s stupid. You don’t need to be anything because of someone or something.  The thought of him will fill you with emotion and feelings that you can’t explain. You don’t know where they come from but all you know is that they are genuine and true. Everything will feel complete and you are happy but too scared to show it because you don’t know how. Its ok, they can see it in your eyes, you will spend time with him and talk and laugh and if your lucky enough you might get a little treat but don’t get your hopes up too much.
Soon it will come the time for him to leave, but you don’t want it to end everything is complete right, it feels right. You start to feel a sadness creeping in but you keep a brave face on, keep smiling hoping that no one will notice. Between you and me they don’t your pretty good at that. It’s time….he leaves, don’t worry he will be back your not quite sure when but he will. I can tell you it varies each time and it starts to get easier but with time. When no one is looking, you go upstairs to hide that you’re sad and you look out of the bedroom window, watching as he leaves and gets in the car and eventually drives away. Now what your feeling no one can take away from you, all the questions you have inside you, does he not want me? does he not love me? why do you have to leave? why can’t you stay forever?. I won’t lie to you, its hard and you will cry from time to time, but you hide it from everyone because boys don’t cry right.
Now fear not you will learn to deal with it much better as time goes by but a lot of questions remain unanswered, your 10 now and in your eyes your not a little kid anymore. You can handle anything now, take it from me slow your role kiddo, take your time there is now race to see who can grow up first. You will eventually ask all the questions that you have had locked inside you for so long. Please don’t be disheartened by the answers that you get, you will get told things like ‘You’re too young still to understand’, ‘Now is not the time to tell you’ and that when the time is right you will know. You don’t actually get the answers that you are looking for other than he left and he’s not here. That’s enough right now and you do just fine, you will live your life being happy and loved. Oh and another secret between you and me you will be the fastest short distance runner in the school, but don’t tell anyone I told you that.
My advice to you kid is be happy, don’t be afraid of the unknown and the uncertainty that is around us. Get involved even if it means taking risks and it going wrong sometimes.

The rose that grew from concrete – 2 pac

That’s 2 pac one the greatest hip-hop artists of all time, you wouldn’t have heard of him yet but you will and when you do, oh boy you gonna love it and let me tell you why, because you can relate to so much of what he talks about and find meaning and peace in it. You’re the rose and the concrete part is maybe dad not being around and not knowing why but life’s ok. It’s like I say to many of my friends now, I wake up every morning, I’m healthy and I have my family, what more do we need in life take that with you and I promise you your gonna be just fine.
Until the day we meet and our paths cross at the same point I’m with you always.

Your older self.

Sweet Memories

Without realising we all create memories whether we know about it or not, happy memories, sad memories, memories that bring a smile to our face or sometimes bring upset and hurt. It’s these memories and collective thoughts that have sculpted us into the people we are today, the reason why we do things in a particular way and why we chose not to do something.
It’s amazing to think how advanced the human body is and that the brain is the nerve centre of what we do. Our actions, our thoughts, what we say right down to how we even move. It’s constantly sending signals and working even when we are not and when we are tucked up in bed at night sleeping. So it amazing to think even after years that pass, something we saw or something we did is stored in the back of our mind just waiting for the chance to be recalled and when the time comes it’s there punctual and on time. Now I know that can change with time and sometimes our minds are not like they used to be and we tend to forget, or do we? I don’t think we actually do I think we go blank for a moment, we’ve all had those moments but then when you least expect it, bang! there it is your thought or memory just like the day you created it.
For me, memories can come from a variety of many different sources like music, TV, sports, work and so many more day to day activities that we do.  You could be walking down the street and hear a song playing in the background and upon hearing it, it takes to straight back to the time in your life that you hadn’t even realised you had associated with that song. Even going out with friends and being social, there is nothing like reminiscing about old time and like that all those thoughts, images and memories that were saved in out memory banks come flooding back and at the same time we are instantly creating more.
As I have grown older I have knowingly associated either songs or numbers to particular times and events in my life. For example, if I see the number 786 anywhere on my daily travels it doesn’t matter in what way shape or form, to me I know that no matter what happens it’s going to be a good day, I can’t explain it I just know. Or if I hear a song on the radio it will take me back to the moment I first heard it and instantly I will in that place doing what I was doing and reliving the moment.
I can’t begin to explain how the brain works, I can make sense of most things but ill draw the line at the brain ill leave that to the experts. I think the point I’m trying to make or what I’m trying to say is we create memories every day of our lives, whether it’s something that you do on your own, with friends, family, colleagues or just someone that you met walking down the street. Having said that I’m a strong believer in ‘everything happens for a reason’ and like anything memories are created for a reason, so they can be shared with people, shared with the world and so we can bring happiness and laughter to others.
Just think of me writing this and whomever In the world who may read this we have created something together that will stay with us and no one can take that away from us.

 

The One

About 7 years ago is when my life changed and I found the most inspirational and amazing women in my life. When you say ‘the one’, what does that actually mean? I guess for so many people as with everything in life it holds a different meaning depending on how you look at things.

For me, I can to this day and I probably will for the rest of my life remember the exact moment it dawned on me and I realised that I had actually found the one. Of all places I was in the middle of a workout in the gym with my friend. Now at the time my friend had noticed a change in me and had questioned if everything was ok with me, and like most guys probably not wanting to say anything would brush it off and say yes everything was fine. Now for most guys we have the stereotype of ‘being hard’ and not ‘being cool’ if you do something romantic or soppy and I was no exception, until the moment I approached my friend and actually said ‘I have found the one, she means everything to me’. My poor friend was in shock because he didn’t expect to hear that, let alone hear that from me and we were in the middle of a workout so it was completely random and out of the blue. Plus the look on his face was priceless, now that was a Kodak moment if ever there was one.

Now going back to what we mean when we say the one, in this day and age I suppose you could say its finding that one person that completes you, but it can mean so many different things and in so many different ways. There seems to be an underlying pressure in society that when you reach a certain age or reach a particular time in your life that you have to find love, find a girlfriend, get married or whatever it may be you choose to do. Whatever happened to taking your time or letting fate take its course. I suppose for me I look at it in this way from personal experience and id like to think that I’ve learnt from my mistakes.

I’ve come to learn over time that its never one way I found this out the hard way, lets just say I was a typical guy when I was younger and very stubborn but being young you can be oblivious to the fact that your in the wrong and in actual fact your doing more harm that good. But as I’ve grown older and wiser over the years, you could say that i’ve grown up and matured quicker than I’ve needed to because of experiences I have been through in life. You watch movies on the TV and you see examples of relationships and scenarios that couples find themselves in and in your mind you think what it would be like if that was you. What would you do? How would you handle the situation? Lets be honest I’m sure all of us at some point have been there, but what the Warner Bros and Hollywood and all the movie makers don’t tell you is that in reality it not like that at all. And one thing for certain is that its damn hard, definitely not easy to say the least and there are no instructions to help us through. You have to work at it, some have to work at it more than others but its worth it.

For me I’m very fortunate that I have my special lady in my life and by my side and I couldn’t be happier. Finding love changed me and changed me for the better, this is someone that I couldn’t imagine my life without. You hear people saying ‘I love you’ but its not just the physical side its so much more than that. Truth be told and lets be honest from time to time we all just want a cuddle or just want someone to take to. Its about being able be yourself in everyway even the crazy and wacky side of you and not have to worry what the other person is going to think. You tell each other everything and hold hands, show each other affection not caring what people may think. The only thing that matter is just the two of you and nothing else gets a look in. Now some might ask what if it doesn’t work out?, well the only thing I  can say is that like everything in life its a gamble. You have to put yourself on the line, not knowing where it will go. You have to invest your time and commit because like everything if you don’t you will never know what will be and always think what if. I honestly believe that in this world there is someone for everyone no matter what race, colour or creed.

We all have the ability to love and show compassion and you what we should embrace it more, you know why because life is short and we don’t know what around the corner and what is in store for us. We should live life to the full god knows I’m going to and share every moment. If your ever lucky enough to come across the right person for you or find the one, embrace it and grab life with both hands. It can be scary and mean some changes, take a chance and trust what your heart tells you and what do what is right for you. Don’t let it pass you by and wonder what if.

A little personal message for the amazing women in my life,

I will always remember the very first day I met you, your nervous smile and the way you shrugged your shoulder when you felt shy. We have come a long way from then and grown so much as a couple facing so many challenges that life has thrown at us. I remember when we got our first house and all we had was a sofa, dining table and few chairs. After years of hard work and sticking by each other we have achieved everything that we have ever wanted and more. You never seize to amaze me and always find a way to make me smile everyday. I love coming home every day knowing I will be welcomed with your warm embrace, this is something you cant put a  price on. We have shared 7 beautiful years together and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you standing by your side taking on the world. You truly are an inspiration and my superwomen.

I love you