My rock 

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.” 
Love u Anita Tailor thank u for being my rock


Where would you go?

If there is one place you could go in the world to get away from all the troubles and worries, where would you go? What would you do?

A desert island, the park, or go to your room and close the door on the world outside. I suppose when you think about it, it changes over time and each place is different for each and every one of us and I suppose how we deal with things say a lot about us too.

For me when I was younger I would just go to my room and listen to music that I had recorded on cassette tape. Yes you heard right cassette tape, we all did so don’t pretend that you didn’t. As I got older and I learnt to drive a car and got my licence and this soon became my safe place. Not only because all I wanted to was drive for as long as I can remember but I could literally take myself anywhere I wanted to go. Just me and the open road, have my favourite playlist playing on the cd player, nothing too heavy but quite easy on the mind, nothing that would give you a headache and quite soothing. This for me was time for me to reflect on everything that was going on at the time and just some me time, which let’s be honest we all need from time to time.

These days it my home, there’s no place like it. When I’ve had a tough day at work or just in general, all I want to do is be at home away from the world outside. It’s quite strange when I think about it because growing up all I ever wanted to was to go out and never be at home and now I actually enjoy being at home and would rather stay in than go out. Funny how that works out isn’t it.

As great and as much as we need some time and need to get away, we all have our ways of coping with everyday struggles no matter what they may be. But can I ask one thing? No matter who you are and what part of the world you come from and no matter what you’re going through please remember there is nothing better than just talking to someone, you don’t really need to say a lot. There is always someone that is kind enough and has the heart to listen and always willing to help.

You’re never on your own.

Letter to my younger self

Entering my mid 30’s now and having worked hard for years being able to rebuild my life again. Achieving what I wanted and where I want to be in life with the women of my dreams, I look back at a time which for me personally I had so many unanswered questions and a lot of mixed feelings and not knowing.

Dear younger self,

As I look back at you now there are so many things that I could tell you know and you would just look at me like some mad man. I wouldn’t blame you, I still do the same today from time to time. You are full of energy I know your not the most popular kid in school and I know you didn’t get off to a great start. You know what, don’t be afraid of being you embrace it, what you don’t know is that all your friends in school right now feel the same way just like you, they’re scared too but they won’t tell you that ( our little secret ). You do ok, though make it through and you become quite the star on the sports field.
Life at home is good, but deep inside I know you’re hurting and you feel something is missing and you don’t feel complete. Take it from me this is normal, You don’t know how to express it or how to put into words what you want to say. If there is one thing that I have learnt is to express yourself, the people you feel afraid to speak to are just like you, they hurt, feel pain and let me tell you they love you more than you know. I don’t think that the love ever changes but circumstances do, but don’t worry I’m here for you when you reach that part of your life I’ll guide you through.
Now you will notice that dad isn’t around much and I wish I could tell you that this is normal, in some ways it is but you are too young to understand is what people will tell you. As a result, you are quite a shy character, but that’s ok that’s what make you who you are. From time to time, you will hear its because your father figure wasn’t around but let me tell you that’s stupid. You don’t need to be anything because of someone or something.  The thought of him will fill you with emotion and feelings that you can’t explain. You don’t know where they come from but all you know is that they are genuine and true. Everything will feel complete and you are happy but too scared to show it because you don’t know how. Its ok, they can see it in your eyes, you will spend time with him and talk and laugh and if your lucky enough you might get a little treat but don’t get your hopes up too much.
Soon it will come the time for him to leave, but you don’t want it to end everything is complete right, it feels right. You start to feel a sadness creeping in but you keep a brave face on, keep smiling hoping that no one will notice. Between you and me they don’t your pretty good at that. It’s time….he leaves, don’t worry he will be back your not quite sure when but he will. I can tell you it varies each time and it starts to get easier but with time. When no one is looking, you go upstairs to hide that you’re sad and you look out of the bedroom window, watching as he leaves and gets in the car and eventually drives away. Now what your feeling no one can take away from you, all the questions you have inside you, does he not want me? does he not love me? why do you have to leave? why can’t you stay forever?. I won’t lie to you, its hard and you will cry from time to time, but you hide it from everyone because boys don’t cry right.
Now fear not you will learn to deal with it much better as time goes by but a lot of questions remain unanswered, your 10 now and in your eyes your not a little kid anymore. You can handle anything now, take it from me slow your role kiddo, take your time there is now race to see who can grow up first. You will eventually ask all the questions that you have had locked inside you for so long. Please don’t be disheartened by the answers that you get, you will get told things like ‘You’re too young still to understand’, ‘Now is not the time to tell you’ and that when the time is right you will know. You don’t actually get the answers that you are looking for other than he left and he’s not here. That’s enough right now and you do just fine, you will live your life being happy and loved. Oh and another secret between you and me you will be the fastest short distance runner in the school, but don’t tell anyone I told you that.
My advice to you kid is be happy, don’t be afraid of the unknown and the uncertainty that is around us. Get involved even if it means taking risks and it going wrong sometimes.

The rose that grew from concrete – 2 pac

That’s 2 pac one the greatest hip-hop artists of all time, you wouldn’t have heard of him yet but you will and when you do, oh boy you gonna love it and let me tell you why, because you can relate to so much of what he talks about and find meaning and peace in it. You’re the rose and the concrete part is maybe dad not being around and not knowing why but life’s ok. It’s like I say to many of my friends now, I wake up every morning, I’m healthy and I have my family, what more do we need in life take that with you and I promise you your gonna be just fine.
Until the day we meet and our paths cross at the same point I’m with you always.

Your older self.

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